Row, row, row your car

Are you physically fit enough to survive the great global climate change cataclysm?

When I say “physically fit,” I don’t mean “gym shape.” You know, those people who can bench press half their own body weight and spin for hours on the ellipticals, but wouldn’t dream of carrying two bags of groceries all the way to their car.

I’m putting together a new workout for myself to get myself in shape the kinds of physical activity I’ll be doing after climate change strikes. Call it the Cataclysm Workout, if you will. Exercise number one: rowing.

We’ve heard it plenty of times – as polar ice caps melt, oceans will rise. Rivers and lakes will follow. Check out this map to see what to expect.

levee break near RenoWhat’s more, thanks to politicians of both parties who believe the sole purpose of government is to cut taxes, this will take place in an era of disinvestment in infrastructure by the American government. When the waters rise, rickety bridges will collapse, worn out levees will break and unprotected roads will wash out. [Photo from the Jan 6 L.A. Times.]

Maybe that was their goal – nobody has to worry about filling potholes when the roads are gone.

Point is, if you live in a floodplain, you want to be ready to row. Don’t know if you do? Now might be a good time to find out.

The other day I hopped on the rowing machine at the gym. It’s not as easy as it looks. Here’s what I sounded like. Clearly, I’m going to need to work on it.


[If you don’t see the embedded media player above, click here to download the mp3 file]

While I’m at it, I think I might add an inflatable life raft to my global climate change cataclysm stockpile. When the levee breaks and baby you’ve got to move, it’s going to be a hell of a lot easier to row a rubber boat through the streets of your fair city, rather than a Honda Civic. God help you if you drive a Chevy Suburban.

Row, row, row your car
Gently through the town.
Climate change is imminent.
I hope we all don’t drown.

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10 Responses to Row, row, row your car

  1. KAT says:

    This means I can buy that kayak I’ve been wanting, right?

  2. blog52 says:

    Absolutely. Kayaking your way through the cataclysm sounds extremely civilized.

    Just don’t try to use this to justify buying a 50-foot yacht.

  3. Cheryl says:

    I’m terrified (if amused by rowing machine conversation). We’ve been having earthquakes in California my entire life (and even before that, I’ve heard), and do I have an earthquake kit? No. Now I have another disaster to not be prepared for.

  4. blog52 says:

    Actually, Cheryl, I’ve done some research online and it appears California earthquakes started the day you were born, and they really are your fault.

    Better get rowing.

  5. […] row, row – the singalong Listen here to sing along with the podcast of this week’s Row, row, row your car […]

  6. vbonnaire says:

    hahaha! I think I missed this one but now you made me laugh–good thing I still have the inflatable from my boat…in the garage!
    but–it would be really nice to downsize completely to a boat! (actually) a sailboat again–a wooden boat like my old one was…

  7. […] you might never imagine right now. Maybe you’ve been forced to climb to higher elevations to escape rising waters. Maybe you’re scrambling through the bushes looking for something to eat. Maybe you’re […]

  8. […] matter even more after the climate change cataclysm. While your smiling conservative neighbors are rowing through the streets in their SUVs, shooting anything they can find for food, and shoving aside anyone who gets in their way, liberals […]

  9. […] don’t want this to be you after the cataclysm, when you’re rowing your car down unfamiliar streets in a desperate search for food, or running from feral animal packs or […]

  10. […] how to carry on a verbal conversation with them, you’ll have a lot of trouble getting them to row you to safety or share their freeze-dried Brunswick stew with […]

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