Here’s exercise number two of the Cataclysm Workout – a workout system that will get you in real-world shape (as opposed to “gym shape”), so you can survive the coming climate change cataclysm.
Say you’re walking in the woods, and a big brown bear approaches you looking for dinner. Do you
- Curl up small as you can and wait for her to go away, or
- Stand up big and tall and make a lot of noise to scare her off?
Unless you’re a major outdoors enthusiast, you’re not so worried about this right now. After the climate change cataclysm, though, habitat for humans and for wild animals will shrink, and we’re going to find ourselves living in ever closer proximity to each other. If you’re going to survive, you’re going to need to know which way to react, and have the physical strength to do it.
- What do you do if attacked by a feral dog?
- What do you do if attacked by a pack of feral dogs?
- What do you do if attacked by a pack of rabid feral dogs?
See what I mean? You’re going to need to be prepared for a lot of different permutations and variations. So read up on what to do to survive an attack by as many animals as you can think of, and then practice! Practice! Practice!
How should you practice? I don’t recommend setting animals loose from the local zoo – even if they take out a few people on their way, in the end it’s not a fair fight for the animal. Instead, get a workout buddy and some flashcards with pictures of wild animals on them. Take turns – one flashes the card, and the other has to figure out what the correct response is, then do it. Like yoga and tai chi, Lions and tigers and bears exercises both the mind and body.
I’ve always thought this would make a great Olympic sport. Winners would be selected by a combination of picking the right response, speed in successfully doing it, plus points for style and form. You wouldn’t be disqualified for getting mauled, but you’d definitely lose points. This would be one sporting event that might make the Olympics a bit more meaningful in the real world.