#7 Lions and tigers and bears – the exercise!

Here’s exercise number two of the Cataclysm Workout – a workout system that will get you in real-world shape (as opposed to “gym shape”), so you can survive the coming climate change cataclysm.

Say you’re walking in the woods, and a big brown bear approaches you looking for dinner. Do you

  1. Curl up small as you can and wait for her to go away, or
  2. Stand up big and tall and make a lot of noise to scare her off?

cataclysm workoutI never can remember. Whichever it is, it’s the opposite of what you’re supposed to do when confronted by a mountain lion.

Unless you’re a major outdoors enthusiast, you’re not so worried about this right now. After the climate change cataclysm, though, habitat for humans and for wild animals will shrink, and we’re going to find ourselves living in ever closer proximity to each other. If you’re going to survive, you’re going to need to know which way to react, and have the physical strength to do it.

Another example:

  1. What do you do if attacked by a feral dog?
  2. What do you do if attacked by a pack of feral dogs?
  3. What do you do if attacked by a pack of rabid feral dogs?

See what I mean? You’re going to need to be prepared for a lot of different permutations and variations. So read up on what to do to survive an attack by as many animals as you can think of, and then practice! Practice! Practice!

How should you practice? I don’t recommend setting animals loose from the local zoo – even if they take out a few people on their way, in the end it’s not a fair fight for the animal. Instead, get a workout buddy and some flashcards with pictures of wild animals on them. Take turns – one flashes the card, and the other has to figure out what the correct response is, then do it. Like yoga and tai chi, Lions and tigers and bears exercises both the mind and body.

I’ve always thought this would make a great Olympic sport. Winners would be selected by a combination of picking the right response, speed in successfully doing it, plus points for style and form. You wouldn’t be disqualified for getting mauled, but you’d definitely lose points. This would be one sporting event that might make the Olympics a bit more meaningful in the real world.

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6 Responses to #7 Lions and tigers and bears – the exercise!

  1. Cheryl says:

    1 = bear. 2 = mountain lion. I’m glad all those camping trips with Mom and Dad will pay off during the apocalypse/Olympics.

  2. blog52 says:

    I dunno, Cheryl. I think #2 is for bears.

    Somebody’s parents did them wrong on those family camping trips – either mine or yours.

  3. […] Press 1 if being chased by a bear Listen to tip #7: Lions and tigers and bears – the exercise! […]

  4. vbonnaire says:

    This was great and your graphic! I can’t stop laughing!
    I love your blog, Blog52. I do.
    Signing off laughing and thank you for bringing humor and levity to a world that is increasingly going mad.

  5. blog52 says:

    You’re much too kind.
    Thanks for being a loyal reader and commenter!

  6. […] You can even join in with friends and family and play your post-cataclysm stereos together. Nothing will lift your spirits and remind you of the halcyon days when you had hope for the future, like sharing a little music with fellow cataclysm survivors around the campfire. […]

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